Usual Energy
by Saitaina R. Moricia
Summary: A slip up at work leads JJ into a very bad week. Cut off from things he loves most he has to deal with himself, and demons he thought he had surpressed.
1. An accident of time

JJ hummed softly as he stared through the scope, shifting slightly to dislodge the rock that was pressing into his stomach. He hated laying across a rooftops, they were always littered in things. Empty windows…always much easier to hide in for long periods of time.

He leaned forward again, checking his shot line through the scope, watching the hostage and her 'care taker' again…well, as much as he could. He drew his eyes away from the view as the captor smacked the poor girl again, his gaze instead falling down to the cops on the street who were working on a plan to get her out unharmed…although it was too late for that. Right now they were shooting for un-dead.

A small smile crossed his lips as he caught sight of a dark head of hair moving through the crowd, shirt unbuttoned and flapping slightly in the breeze that had kicked up. The only thing keeping the shirt on that frame was the black shoulder holster which saved the detective from being chewed out for in appropriate work attire but it really was a pity from JJ's point of view. The sight would have broken his boredom quite well.

He returned his gaze to the scope and cursed loudly. In the short time he had looked away, his entire shot had been screwed up. "Fucking pigeons." he grumbled before grabbing his radio. "Problem on the south roof, my shot is screwed by a bird." He released the button and examined the window across the street carefully, cursing more.

"Any way you can adjust the shot?"

"Negative, his head is directly behind the bird. I can still use the shot but I can't be sure."

There was the sound of a curse coming over the air. "McLean, what's your line?"

"Unless you got a thing against Art Deco prints I have nothing. They're still near the bed."

"Then it's yours, Addams, don't shoot unless you have to with that bird in the way."

"Will do," JJ said before tossing the radio to the side, checking his scope again, cracking his neck slightly as he did. He watched his magnified view of a pigeon cleaning it's feathers, growing bored yet again.

He was just about to take a sneak peak at Dee again when the pigeon flapped it's wings twice before taking off, clearing his view. He mentally cheered, then cursed. The suspect now had the hostage by the hair, a knife starting to slide along her throat.

JJ's eyes narrowed slightly and he squeezed down on the trigger, bracing himself as the riffle and stand moved back slightly. His eyes widened just as the shot went off, speeding through the air.

The hostage had moved.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

JJ stared at the liquid in his half empty beer bottle, his gaze foggy and out of focus. He had spent the past three days on his couch 'enjoying' his temporary suspension. IA was still trying to figure out what exactly had happened; there was only one witness and that was JJ himself. Ryo couldn't see the events and the other sniper, Kingsley or something like that had been adjusting his scope.

Three days he had spent staring at these same walls. Three days he had replayed the incident in his mind. Three days he had listened to the hostage's family scream at him through his answering machine.

Two days ago he had cut ties with the only ones willing to sit with him, by screaming at them until they had fled. Even in the midst of his outburst he hadn't missed the looks Drake and Dee had shared. They didn't understand. They didn't see her face every time they closed their eyes. Only Ryo came close to understanding. He had been there, seeing the same scenes through an open doorway. But he still hadn't squeezed down on that trigger. He hadn't fucked up.

JJ let his head fall onto his arms, cursing softly. The week had been so promising when he woke up Monday morning, bright and shiny, with no thoughts beyond getting coffee and teasing Drake. By noon, coffee and sexual innuendo were the last things on JJ's mind as he laid his gun on Rose's desk.

JJ blew a lock of lavender hair from his eyes and sat up slowly, hissing as his spine locked up. He really had spent too much time on that couch. He needed to get out, needed air, needed a release. The stress was going to kill him.

Standing, he bent backwards to pop his back before flicking the remote absently at the muted television, making the screen go black. He stared at the dying picture, then shook his head, heading for the bathroom. It had been three days since he showered.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Music blared, it's beat being felt through the floor and walls. Lights flashed across the club, illuminating the writhing, pressing mob in strange bursts before leaving them in darkness. Smoke curled across the floor up to the knees, causing some of the less talented to stumble when they glanced down to gain their barrings. Drinks flowed freely from the bar, only a handful actually paying, the rest mooching off their partners, friends or complete strangers.

JJ closed his eyes as the music switched beats, becoming harder, pressing against his body in a tactile faction. He moaned softly, feeling a body press against his back and a smirk curled over his lips. He pressed back, allowing hands to run over his chest, his mesh tank top causing interesting sensations against his skin.

Lips tasted his neck, forcing JJ to moan again and press back harder, his head falling to the side. He blinked open his eyes, lashes heavy with glitter, causing him to squint for a few minutes before finally seeing clearly. He watched the dancers in front of him perform clothed versions of sex as his own body was manipulated by the stranger behind him. As another man joined JJ, pressing against the front of his body, he closed his eyes again, giving himself over to the music.

After a few minutes of letting his mind float on a haze of sex and music, he pulled away from his partners, giving them an apologetic smile before making his way through the crowded dance floor and tables, heading for the exit.

He took a deep breath of the crisp, cool air, his head tilting back as a breeze started to cool the sweat on his body. He would have peeled off his leather pants if he didn't think it would get him arrested; he was so damn hot.

JJ started to shiver as his body cooled down, and he wished that he had remembered to bring a jacket. He wrapped his arms around his body, leaning against the brick wall, eyes closing, jaw clenching to keep his teeth from knocking together.

"If you don't cling to me like a monkey…I'll help you out." A voice said, and JJ turned his head, watching as Dee bent his head slightly, lighting a cigarette. JJ nodded at him, and Dee moved closer, wrapping his arms around the shorter man, his jacket covering JJ's arms. "You really should wear more clothes, JJ. How many bodies do we find in the winter from exposure?"

"Enough," JJ said, his eyes still closed, using the rest of his senses to get by for the moment. Although Dee's cologne was seriously fucking with his sense of smell.

The pair stood in silence, Dee's hands running up and down JJ's arms as they shared warmth, picking up the glitter that decorated the man's skin. JJ reached down and took the cigarette from the hand pausing on his waist, taking a long drag, his head falling back slightly as he blew it out in a long slow stream.

"How come I couldn't have this when I actually cared?" JJ asked, placing the cigarette between Dee's lips, holding onto it as he took a drag.

"Because you're an annoying monkey who likes to try to send me to the hospital."

"Hmm," JJ said absently, watching the stars, taking another drag. 'It would have been nice. Having you in bed." He said, smoke spilling out with the words.

Dee leaned closer to JJ's mouth and inhaled, making a face at the smell of alcohol coming from him. 'How much have you drank, Jemmy?"

"A few beers,"

Dee raised an eyebrow and JJ smirked. "At home. Then a few cocktails here. Then a glass of wine or two."

"JJ,"

"I'm suspended from work, I'm not driving home, and I'm young. It's no worry, Dee. Don't mother me, that's Ryo and Drake's job."

Dee shrugged and pulled JJ into the circle of his arms, simply holding him. The pair looked up a moment later as the exit door opened and Ryo leaned out, looking at them. "Are you coming back in, Dee?" he asked, holding out his hand.

Dee nodded and took the cigarette, taking a final drag before handing the last bit of it to JJ. He took Ryo's hand, pulling him close and kissing him softly before looking back at JJ. "You coming, JJ?"

JJ nodded and took the last drag of the cigarette, watching Ryo stare at him. Ryo tilted his head slightly, studying JJ before shaking his head. "You know you can talk to us, JJ. We're here for you. We aren't judging you…"

JJ's eyes narrowed slightly, and he pushed off the wall, moving closer to Ryo. He leaned in and kissed the other man, exhaling the smoke into the blond's mouth, smirking as Ryo choked slightly. "There's nothing to talk about." he said, flicking the cigarette side and moving past them and into the thick of the dance floor.

Dee and Ryo stared after him, wondering what was going on with their unusually moody friend.


	2. Cocaine Dreams

Sunlight played over the small bedroom, illuminating the sleeping face of the man who was currently face down in a pile of pillows, suffocating himself as he sleep. A small black bird appeared on the window ledge, peeking into the room just in time to see the man roll over and fall onto the floor.

JJ groaned, holding his head, trying to stop his brain from launching itself from his skull. He blinked and stood, body trembling, one hand still pressed to his forehead in an effort to stop the pain.

He stumbled into the kitchen, laying his forehead on the cool counter as he blinked at his coffeepot and cursed again, remembering running out of coffee yesterday morning. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut with the pain in his head. "What did I do yesterday?"

One eye opened and he focused on a piece of foil on his counter. Raising his head he picked up the empty condom wrapper, finding several others scattered around. Placing his hand back against his forehead, he closed his eyes again. "Make that who'd I do."

JJ was just about to put his head back on the counter when his doorbell rang loudly…and continuously. He grumbled, padding over to the door, kicking a blanket and beer can out of his way before opening the door, blinking in the light. "What?"

A medicine cup filled with the most beautiful sight he had ever seen graced his vision and he grabbed it, downing the two aspirins dry, leaning heavily against the doorjamb. He felt a hand brushing hair from in front of his eyes and squinted before moving out of Dee's way, allowing him inside.

Dee glanced around before shaking his head and turning back to JJ. "Get dressed."

"Why?"

"Because I said so, and I outrank you. Now go."

JJ kicked Dee weakly before heading for his bedroom. He glanced longingly at his bed before pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt about five sizes too big for him. He left the sleeves over his hands as he returned to Dee, only to have his coat thrown at him. Frowning, he slipped it on, following Dee out the door and down the block.

A coffee shop loomed in front of him and he hugged Dee tightly, burying his head in the other man's neck. "You are a god,"

"I know, now get off me." Dee said, gently pushing JJ off and leading him into the small shoppe.

The pair sat at a booth in the back, Dee sitting sidewise, one arm flung over the back of the seat, the other holding on to his precious coffee, watching JJ over the rim as he took a sip. JJ for his part, was focusing on keeping his head off the table, one hand holding it up while the other absently stirred his coffee, making the cream create interesting patterns.

"JJ…"

"Don't, Dee." JJ said, finally raising his tired and bloodshot eyes. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't even want to think about it."

"You're going to have to eventually. This isn't like you, Jemmy."

"What would you know?" JJ snapped before running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm just having a bad week."

Dee nodded, sipping his coffee. "Shit like this sucks. And that I do know. I've done my own time in IA suspension."

JJ sipped his coffee, making a face at the amount of cream he had put into it. "I' know you've been there, Dee, but.."

"You don't want to talk about it. No worries. Just…try to let us in sometime huh? We love you."

JJ gave Dee a weak smile and stood. "Thanks for the coffee…I'll call you." He leaned over and gave Dee a kiss on the cheek before heading for the door, his hands shoved into his pockets, hair hanging down to shield his face.

Dee watched him go, shaking his head before pulling out his cell phone, punching Drake's number.

---------------------------------

JJ stared out through his windshield at the large townhouse, wondering why he was here after ten years. Shaking his head, he slipped from the car, locking the door before darting up the stairs and under the awning, shaking rain water from his hair as he pressed the bell.

A young woman opened the door, and blinked up at him before moving out of his way. "Long time no see, Jem."

JJ bent close and kissed her temple. "Sorry, things have been…interesting lately."

She shook her head and took his hand, leading him into the living room where various people were lounging around, listening to music, talking, eating and making out. "Everyone! This is my brother, JJ. JJ this is…everyone.

JJ nodded to the group who glanced at him before going back to what they were doing. Margret lead him to an empty loveseat and sat down, curling her legs under her, pushing a lock of hair from his face, before smiling at him.

One of those on the floor near them pulled out a crack pipe and Margaret's eyebrows shot up. She leaned over, whispered in his ear and the guy jerked his head around, staring at JJ. "A fucking pig?!"

JJ held up his hands. "Not at the moment. In fact, probably not ever."

Margret leaned back, studying her younger brother. "Jem.."

"Don't, Maggie. I don't want to talk about it. It's not important."

As if to underscore his words, he leaned over, taking a bag of powdered cocaine the other guy had taken out and opened it. He grabbed one of his sister's silver serving trays and dumped the bag out. The guy on the floor held up a razor blade and JJ accepted it, neatly cutting out a line.

Margret raised an eyebrow and held out a small red straw, wondering if her brother was actually going to go through with this little stunt. Ten years of sobriety were a lot to throw away.

JJ stared at the red straw, feeling the stares of the group on him as he leaned over and accepted it. The line was quickly disposed of, as was a second one. JJ leaned back against the loveseat, his head tilted back, a shaky hand brushing stray powder from his nose. He let his eyes close as he felt the drug kick in, freeing him. He couldn't remember why he had ever given it up.

-----------------------------------

JJ moaned as a hand slid across his hip, and he swallowed hard as breath tickled over his ear.

"Close your eyes," The voice whispered. JJ complied and he was temporarily blind, left only to touch, taste and smell to get by. It was rather fun.

He had come to this small club looking for an escape, the effects of cocaine and pot still flooding his body. He hadn't planned to join in on the nightly entertainment…but he couldn't say no when offered.

The music swelled around them, reaching an unbearable level before gliding down to a calmer volume; JJ could feel the vibrations in the floor, yet the sounds weren't as violent anymore. He licked his lips as the stranger's hips pressed against his arse, guiding his movements. This was...different than other times, though. This wasn't dancing. It was sex, violence, lust, desire, hate, fear, pain, pleasure...everything you could dream of. Everything you could imagine. Everything you could want wrapped in a primal beat.

JJ moaned softly, pressing back against his partner. One of the man's hands was splayed across his stomach, the pinkie dipping into his waist band. The other hand was lifting JJ's arm behind the man's head, slowly running down the smooth, tender flesh of his arm. Lips and teeth were at JJ's throat, nipping, biting, sucking, drawing sounds from JJ that he forgot he could make; and all the while they moved.

They were inside each other, they were separate from everything, they were blown apart and re-assembled, yet they were all in their clothes, all in front of the hundred or so patrons of the small club.

JJ wondered how long a song could last, how long HE could last. It already felt like eternity. Yet it kept going, kept thumping, or in JJ's case, pushing.

JJ was spun around, chest, hips and thighs pressing against another, his lips a hairs breath away from another pair. A thigh slipped between his legs, pressing up against JJ's arousal, causing him to gasp. He was bent backwards in a dip before slowly drawn up, the power of sex and hunger building around him, pressing on him as he was pressed against that hard body again.

This was a tango, a rumba, a forbidden dance that was all and nothing JJ had ever done before. A boy named Marcus had given him dance lesson's years ago. Salsa lessons that lead to sweaty bodies and heavy breathing. Dance lessons that had turned into a wicked dance of naked flesh and JJ screaming. But this was nothing like that. This was...

"This is passion," the voice whispered. "This is pleasure, lust...and this is the end." He hissed and captured JJ's lips, kissing him hungrily as the final, frenzied beats of the song crashed together, climaxing, pulling at JJ's chest, tightening around him.


	3. Libidinous Enticement

**Chapter Three: Libidinous Enticement**

JJ rested an arm over his eyes, watching as the man dressed. He let his eyes flutter shut, opening them only when a smack of paper hit the night table next to him. He blinked and glanced over, picking up the stack of bills, not even bothering to see his...guest out.

He sat up and pulled a cigarette out of the nearly empty pack on the table, lighting it before running a hand through his hair. He leaned over and reached under the table, pulling a small bag from the hidden recess. He flicked the baggie slightly before sticking the cigarette in his mouth. He opened the bag and dumped the contents onto his night table. He broke down the last of it into a line, reached back under the table for the straw.

Line consumed, he laid back in bed, releasing a long stream of smoke as he contemplated the ceiling. Ten years hadn't passed, his academy days had never come, and he was still a seventeen year old boy, whoring himself out for a bit of white paradise. Wouldn't the boys at the station be _so_ proud of him.

He snorted and dropped his cigarette into a half empty beer can, standing and heading for the shower. If he was going to do this, he might as well go full throttle. He would need supplies, new clothes, and connections. He would also have to find out what Narc and Vice were doing tonight.

-

"Thanks, Drake." JJ said, pulling his sunglasses down over his eyes, adjusting his mirror. He glanced behind him and pulled out of the parking spot, absently listening to his partner, ex-partner, ramble on about the locations of Narcotics and Vice later that night.

"You are an angel, really. You know how Mags is, and with this suspension, I just can't bail her out this time. I'll get her to stay in, lay low. What? Yeah, I owe you big time. I promise, dinner for a week, my treat." He disconnected the call and tossed his cell phone onto the passenger's seat, watching it hit the brown drug store bag. He shook his head and pulled out a fresh cigarette, lighting it as he took a corner a bit sharply, flipping off the blue haired old lady he had almost mowed down.

"Bitch," he muttered, turning on his CD player. He took another corner, this time nearly murdering a mail drop box and pulled into an alley, rolling down his windows as he drove slowly past various men in various states of undress, each showing off what they had to offer. He pulled over near a young man with bright pink hair. He leaned out the window, eyeing him up and down. "How much?"

"Depends on what you want, mister." The youth said, looking and acting far younger then his actual age.

JJ tilted his head forward, letting his sunglasses slide down his nose. "How much for an old friend?"

"JJ? You shouldn't be here man. If people know the pigs were out…"

"Get in, Shame." JJ said, and the boy shrugged and climbed into the car, buckling his seatbelt as JJ hit the gas. He shoot from the alley now that he had found his prey.

-

"You're really starting up again?" Shame asked, tilting his head, fork sticking out from between his lips. "Why? You had it so cool. Decent job, food every day, nice pad to crash at… Why go back to being some little street whore junkie? Come on, you're a DETECTIVE man, you rule."

"Was, a detective. Apparently you haven't seen the paper's lately."

Shame shook his head, inhaling another pancake before turning to his coffee. "Not exactly high on my list of things to get."

"I'm suspended until further notice without pay. Which means I need cash."

"There are other ways for someone like you to get some funds,"

"Not if what I want to buy isn't exactly…available."

Shame blinked over his coffee and set the mug down. "Jem…"

"No worries, I just need some help getting started again, it's been a while. So what do you say, help an old friend out?"

Shame ran a hand through his hair before nodding. "JUST this once. I don't like this, Jem. In fact I really hate this. But if you let me crash at your place…I'll get you set up. Some customers, clothes…location, all of it."

JJ grinned, sipping his coffee. Things were on track.

-

The kiss deepened as JJ pulled Shame into a dark alley, pressing him against the hard, brick wall. His hands worked on the front of Shame's leather shorts, tugging at the tight waistband, pulling it open as his tongue slid into Shame's mouth.

Shame moaned, sucking on the tongue, whimpering as it slid away from him a moment later. The whimpers soon turned into moans as the tongue found it's way to his left nipple, circling it slowly, a brush of lips and teeth soon following.

Shame's head fell back against the wall as the mouth closed over the second nipple, his breath hissing out of him. The mouth created a path down his chest, tongue creating a hot, wet trail that caused Shame's breathing to stop for a brief moment.

His shorts were pushed down and that heat surrounded him. Shame's nails dug into the bricks behind him. "More" Shame whispered, wincing at how needy his voice sounded. It had been a while since he had JJ's mouth around him.

There was a chuckle, and Shame gasped, his hand threading through silken locks. The pace was hard, fast, and demanding. This wasn't the gentle touches and soft caresses JJ was used to giving. It was sex in dark dirty alley between two pubs. It was need and passion. It was the intoxicating scent of peppermint, drugging Shame as he gasped, struggling to bring in the oxygen he needed, fighting the urge to just collapse as sensations overwhelmed him.

"I can't...stop..." Shame whispered, his hand buried deeper into the hair beneath his hand. "Please...don't...fuck...don't stop."

The man below him ignored everything he said and continued on, intent on watching Shame scream. Glittering eyes rolled up slightly to look up Shame's body, watching as he lost control completely.

JJ pulled away a moment later, tilting his head back as he swallowed, licking his lips slowly. He kissed his way back up his friend's body to his mouth, eagerly exploring as Shame slowly stopped shaking. Shame pushed him off and fixed his shorts and top, kissing JJ once again before taking his hand. He lead him back towards the club they had escaped from, body freezing for a second in the doorway as a blast of music nearly sent him back out.

He grinned, bouncing, jerking JJ after him and onto the floor, plastering his body against JJ's as they moved to the music, ignoring everything around them except the feel of the other's body pressed against their own, hands caressing, tongues tasting.

"Well, if it isn't two little fag whores," A deep voice said over JJ's shoulder and he stopped moving, pulling away from Shame's mouth to glance over his shoulder. Three men stood there, a raven haired man whose eyes drooped slightly, a long haired blond man whose eyes kept darting to the half dressed women surrounding them, and a brunette in sunglasses who looked slightly nervous at being involved. The one who had spoken, the raven haired man, glared at them, pushing JJ slightly. "Your kind aren't welcome here."

"What, Irish?" Shame asked, smirking.

The blond's eyes narrowed and he moved to stand next to his buddy. "Don't get smart with us, fag."

"I don't recall being a cigarette…" Shame mused, tilting his head slightly.

The blond growled and advanced even closer to Shame, his hands clenched into fists.

"Don't," JJ warned and the raven haired man laughed.

"And why not, fag?"

-

"I can't belive I have to bail YOU out of jail. Dee, sure, but you?"

JJ looked up, squinting slightly, his left eye too swollen to see haze out of. "Drake?"

"It's me. Who's the pixie?" Drake asked, glancing at Shame who was hanging upside down from the bunk, ankles hooked into the metal bars.

"Just a friend. You got the cash?"

"You owe me for this one, JJ."

"Yeah, yeah. You didn't tell Dee did you?"

"No, your god still thinks you're a good little boy. How did you get arrested for brawling, anyway? You should have been able to wipe the floor with them. Don't tell me you've been slacking in the gym…"

"No, that's you. I was held back by two idiots while the asshole took on Shame."

"I could leave you here…" Drake said before shaking his head and making a hand motion. A click sounded and he opened the door, leaning against it as JJ and Shame slipped out. "Thanks man," JJ said, hugging his partner.

Drake wrapped an arm around JJ's shoulder, holding him for a moment. "It's good to see you, JJ." he said softly into JJ's ear. "I missed you,"

"It's only been a week."

"And that's far too long when I'm used to you annoying me every day,"

JJ smiled softly.


End file.
